Laurus Nobilis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
laurus_nobilis) wrote2006-03-27 10:28 am
laurus_nobilis) wrote2006-03-27 10:28 am
Of Gifts and Curses [XXXHOLiC; English]
Title: Of Gifts and Curses
Rating: G
Genre: Genfic
Characters: Clow and Yuuko
Pairings: Always.
Summary: Too much of a good thing...
Notes: Written for Insert Phrase. Very vague spoilers for chapters 97 to 102; but nothing that hasn't been foreshadowed since volume 1.
Of Gifts and Curses
Yuuko took another sip of her sake, trying to ignore Clow's ramblings as he walked among the many things that lay scattered on her garden. When he had first mentioned this, she had thought it was just an excuse to look at her treasures in more detail, but she soon discovered that he actually meant it when he said they needed cleaning. He used magic for that, of course, which left him free to talk as much as he wanted. He seemed to enjoy complaining.
"Honestly, look at the state of these things," he told her with a disapproving look. "Do you realize the value of what you have got here? You must take better care of it. This is taking much longer than it should, with the way you've abandoned everything."
"It was your idea," she defended herself. "I was perfectly happy with waiting a little longer."
"A few more decades, you mean."
"Of course. But it would be worth the wait, and you know that."
He shook his head and used a levitating spell on the carpet to shake the dust off it. Yuuko had the distinct impression that there was no need to do it with such energy – or to direct it so obviously at her, at least – but he was done before she could mention it. The carpet floated over his head and laid itself on a rope, staying quite still after that.
"It wouldn't be any trouble for you to keep things in order," he said. "You do have magic."
"To waste it on cleaning?" she snorted. "Who do you think I am, Mary Poppins?"
Clow couldn't hold back a grin.
"Certainly not. Mary would never let someone like me step into her house."
"That's because there is no house," she said, just to be annoying. He rolled his eyes at her.
"I know there is no house. It was just a manner of sp–"
Yuuko jumped to her feet the very moment he stopped speaking. That blank look on his face was always a bad sign, but the change had never been so sudden before. He was already shaking when she reached him, seconds later, and it was clear that he couldn't see her; his eyes looked past her, unfocused. He was breathing much too fast. She held him softly to make him kneel down, so he wouldn't fall and hurt himself, and for a few minutes she just stayed there with her arms wrapped around him.
She felt very stupid doing that. After all, she knew perfectly well that there was nothing she could do except wait for the trance to pass on its own. But he looked so pale and dazed, and he wouldn't stop trembling; she couldn't bring herself to let go of him. It took a few minutes for his breathing to slow down again, but at last he steadied himself, blinked a couple of times, and looked up. She smiled at him and offered him a hand to help him stand up.
"It's over," she said. "Come."
They walked very slowly, since he was still somewhat dizzy, until they reached the veranda. Once she had made him sit down, she tried to give him some of her sake. Clow shook his head and winced at the movement.
"I have a terrible headache already," he said in a hoarse voice, but she insisted.
"Come on. You need something strong," she told him. He gave in and took a sip, probably just to humour her, because he immediately put it down.
"Just let me lie down a moment…"
Sitting next to him, Yuuko let him rest his head on her lap. She was about to remove his glasses, but he claimed that his headache would be worse without them, so she didn't touch them. Neither of them said anything for a while. Only when he seemed calmer did she ask what she had in mind.
"Was it very bad, what you saw?"
"Bad?" he repeated, frowning a little. "No. Truth be told, it was nothing very important."
"It certainly didn't look that way," she told him, and her voice sounded colder than she had intended it to. But she couldn't help it. It got on her nerves, when he was so secretive, as if she couldn't handle things. Of course, though, he noticed that she didn't believe him. He turned around a little, just enough to face her.
"It's not what I see what gives me trouble," he said softly. "It's how. As if… as if everything was happening in the same moment. I was here – I could see you running towards me – and at the same time Yue was upset because I arrived late and Cerberus was asking me questions and she was wearing another new dress and he was running away from something –"
"Shhh." Yuuko put a finger on his lips to silence him; he was beginning to breathe too fast again. "Calm down."
He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, and then turned his gaze towards the garden. He looked so far away, she thought, out of reach even for her. They were almost equals in power – almost, as it was proven again and again – and yet things were so different for her, more complicated in some respects and in others so much simpler. When it came to foresight, she was the luckier one by far.
Slowly, hesitating a little although she didn't want to admit it to herself, she ran her fingers through his hair once. Then she waited. He didn't say anything, and she knew him well enough to take it as encouragement to go on. She hoped it was as soothing for him as it was for her.
"Is this what you mean, then?" she wondered aloud. "Is this what makes it too much?"
"The strongest visions are the rarest ones, too. I can handle these," he replied. "It's the little things."
"For example?" she asked. It wasn't common for him to be this open, not about important things like this, and she was going to keep him like that for as long as she could. It would be good for both of them. He needed to talk about it, and she needed to know.
Clow thought about it for a moment before he answered.
"I know where your hand is going next," he said at last. Yuuko stopped in the middle of a movement, taken aback. Instead of doing the same as before, she caressed his forehead lightly, on the pretext of taking a few rebellious wisps of hair off his eyes.
"Do you?" she whispered. He smiled a little, and she could tell that she hadn't changed anything after all.
"Yes," he told her. "I also know that the carpet is going to slide off that rope in a few minutes. I know that the next person who will walk down the street will be an old man dressed in blue. I know that it will be cloudy in the evening. We will run around trying to get everything inside of the house before it rains. But we won't find the smallest of those fans," he said, pointing at them, "no matter how hard we look. You will step on it tomorrow."
"I thought you were used to that," she said. "Those things are the ones that take the least power to figure out. Anybody can see them."
"But can they see all of them, all the time?" He turned to look at her again as he spoke. "I used to believe that, too. I used to think that it was normal. Then I realised I couldn't control it anymore."
Yuuko didn't answer. It was difficult to imagine how that must be… impossible, even. She knew it was selfish of her, but she was glad that she couldn't feel it.
"I can't help but wonder, sometimes…" Clow began to say, almost to himself. "I wonder if I brought it upon myself."
"You didn't ask for this," she told him fiercely. It was ridiculous to even think about it. How could he let himself get such ideas?
"Not for this, no. But I asked for other things. I was going to show them all, wasn't I? I had to be the best. Always one step further, in everything," he said. "I was a young fool, and now I have to live with the doubts."
"Don't worry so much. There is no point in that," she sighed. "Either way, it was meant to be. Nothing you did or didn't do could have changed that."
"It feels different, though," said Clow, "cursing your fate or cursing yourself."
She shook her head, still not convinced, but she couldn't help smiling at him. He acted like such a melancholy old man, sometimes; it made her softer than she would have wanted him to see. It felt wrong to let him believe those things. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"If you have to live with the future," she said, "the least you can do is let go of the past."
"Perhaps I should," he sighed, closing his eyes again. "It tires me."
Carefully, Yuuko did take off his glasses this time. With luck, he might fall asleep and have some rest at last. She was about to doze off herself, lulled by the silence and the sake, when Clow spoke softly once more, with his eyes still shut and a smile that was amused and warm and sad all at the same time.
"And he thinks his Sight is not good enough," he whispered. "Silly child."
There was a rustle of cloth as the carpet slid onto the ground.
Rating: G
Genre: Genfic
Characters: Clow and Yuuko
Pairings: Always.
Summary: Too much of a good thing...
Notes: Written for Insert Phrase. Very vague spoilers for chapters 97 to 102; but nothing that hasn't been foreshadowed since volume 1.
Yuuko took another sip of her sake, trying to ignore Clow's ramblings as he walked among the many things that lay scattered on her garden. When he had first mentioned this, she had thought it was just an excuse to look at her treasures in more detail, but she soon discovered that he actually meant it when he said they needed cleaning. He used magic for that, of course, which left him free to talk as much as he wanted. He seemed to enjoy complaining.
"Honestly, look at the state of these things," he told her with a disapproving look. "Do you realize the value of what you have got here? You must take better care of it. This is taking much longer than it should, with the way you've abandoned everything."
"It was your idea," she defended herself. "I was perfectly happy with waiting a little longer."
"A few more decades, you mean."
"Of course. But it would be worth the wait, and you know that."
He shook his head and used a levitating spell on the carpet to shake the dust off it. Yuuko had the distinct impression that there was no need to do it with such energy – or to direct it so obviously at her, at least – but he was done before she could mention it. The carpet floated over his head and laid itself on a rope, staying quite still after that.
"It wouldn't be any trouble for you to keep things in order," he said. "You do have magic."
"To waste it on cleaning?" she snorted. "Who do you think I am, Mary Poppins?"
Clow couldn't hold back a grin.
"Certainly not. Mary would never let someone like me step into her house."
"That's because there is no house," she said, just to be annoying. He rolled his eyes at her.
"I know there is no house. It was just a manner of sp–"
Yuuko jumped to her feet the very moment he stopped speaking. That blank look on his face was always a bad sign, but the change had never been so sudden before. He was already shaking when she reached him, seconds later, and it was clear that he couldn't see her; his eyes looked past her, unfocused. He was breathing much too fast. She held him softly to make him kneel down, so he wouldn't fall and hurt himself, and for a few minutes she just stayed there with her arms wrapped around him.
She felt very stupid doing that. After all, she knew perfectly well that there was nothing she could do except wait for the trance to pass on its own. But he looked so pale and dazed, and he wouldn't stop trembling; she couldn't bring herself to let go of him. It took a few minutes for his breathing to slow down again, but at last he steadied himself, blinked a couple of times, and looked up. She smiled at him and offered him a hand to help him stand up.
"It's over," she said. "Come."
They walked very slowly, since he was still somewhat dizzy, until they reached the veranda. Once she had made him sit down, she tried to give him some of her sake. Clow shook his head and winced at the movement.
"I have a terrible headache already," he said in a hoarse voice, but she insisted.
"Come on. You need something strong," she told him. He gave in and took a sip, probably just to humour her, because he immediately put it down.
"Just let me lie down a moment…"
Sitting next to him, Yuuko let him rest his head on her lap. She was about to remove his glasses, but he claimed that his headache would be worse without them, so she didn't touch them. Neither of them said anything for a while. Only when he seemed calmer did she ask what she had in mind.
"Was it very bad, what you saw?"
"Bad?" he repeated, frowning a little. "No. Truth be told, it was nothing very important."
"It certainly didn't look that way," she told him, and her voice sounded colder than she had intended it to. But she couldn't help it. It got on her nerves, when he was so secretive, as if she couldn't handle things. Of course, though, he noticed that she didn't believe him. He turned around a little, just enough to face her.
"It's not what I see what gives me trouble," he said softly. "It's how. As if… as if everything was happening in the same moment. I was here – I could see you running towards me – and at the same time Yue was upset because I arrived late and Cerberus was asking me questions and she was wearing another new dress and he was running away from something –"
"Shhh." Yuuko put a finger on his lips to silence him; he was beginning to breathe too fast again. "Calm down."
He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, and then turned his gaze towards the garden. He looked so far away, she thought, out of reach even for her. They were almost equals in power – almost, as it was proven again and again – and yet things were so different for her, more complicated in some respects and in others so much simpler. When it came to foresight, she was the luckier one by far.
Slowly, hesitating a little although she didn't want to admit it to herself, she ran her fingers through his hair once. Then she waited. He didn't say anything, and she knew him well enough to take it as encouragement to go on. She hoped it was as soothing for him as it was for her.
"Is this what you mean, then?" she wondered aloud. "Is this what makes it too much?"
"The strongest visions are the rarest ones, too. I can handle these," he replied. "It's the little things."
"For example?" she asked. It wasn't common for him to be this open, not about important things like this, and she was going to keep him like that for as long as she could. It would be good for both of them. He needed to talk about it, and she needed to know.
Clow thought about it for a moment before he answered.
"I know where your hand is going next," he said at last. Yuuko stopped in the middle of a movement, taken aback. Instead of doing the same as before, she caressed his forehead lightly, on the pretext of taking a few rebellious wisps of hair off his eyes.
"Do you?" she whispered. He smiled a little, and she could tell that she hadn't changed anything after all.
"Yes," he told her. "I also know that the carpet is going to slide off that rope in a few minutes. I know that the next person who will walk down the street will be an old man dressed in blue. I know that it will be cloudy in the evening. We will run around trying to get everything inside of the house before it rains. But we won't find the smallest of those fans," he said, pointing at them, "no matter how hard we look. You will step on it tomorrow."
"I thought you were used to that," she said. "Those things are the ones that take the least power to figure out. Anybody can see them."
"But can they see all of them, all the time?" He turned to look at her again as he spoke. "I used to believe that, too. I used to think that it was normal. Then I realised I couldn't control it anymore."
Yuuko didn't answer. It was difficult to imagine how that must be… impossible, even. She knew it was selfish of her, but she was glad that she couldn't feel it.
"I can't help but wonder, sometimes…" Clow began to say, almost to himself. "I wonder if I brought it upon myself."
"You didn't ask for this," she told him fiercely. It was ridiculous to even think about it. How could he let himself get such ideas?
"Not for this, no. But I asked for other things. I was going to show them all, wasn't I? I had to be the best. Always one step further, in everything," he said. "I was a young fool, and now I have to live with the doubts."
"Don't worry so much. There is no point in that," she sighed. "Either way, it was meant to be. Nothing you did or didn't do could have changed that."
"It feels different, though," said Clow, "cursing your fate or cursing yourself."
She shook her head, still not convinced, but she couldn't help smiling at him. He acted like such a melancholy old man, sometimes; it made her softer than she would have wanted him to see. It felt wrong to let him believe those things. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"If you have to live with the future," she said, "the least you can do is let go of the past."
"Perhaps I should," he sighed, closing his eyes again. "It tires me."
Carefully, Yuuko did take off his glasses this time. With luck, he might fall asleep and have some rest at last. She was about to doze off herself, lulled by the silence and the sake, when Clow spoke softly once more, with his eyes still shut and a smile that was amused and warm and sad all at the same time.
"And he thinks his Sight is not good enough," he whispered. "Silly child."
There was a rustle of cloth as the carpet slid onto the ground.